It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I have become… I am seeking help with a professional!

The following is a recap of my current identity:

  • I was born a white male, which makes me a racist.
  • I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.
  • I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.
  • I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
  • I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.
  • I am older than 56, which makes me a useless old man.
  • I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the mainstream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.
  • I am proud of my heritage and our assimilated Canadian culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
  • I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
  • I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which makes me an anti-socialist.
  • I acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.
  • I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I’m not sure who I am anymore!

Newest problem – I’m not sure which bathroom I should use.

Thanks Jim!